Dealing with the unthinkable…

I was at work talking on my phone FaceTiming with my Dr office the nurse said your results are abnormal we need to do a Biopsy for cancer. At that moment my world came cane to a stop, I felt suspended in time. I felt scared.

Hello sweets ๐Ÿ™‚ apologies that I did not continue to post but as you can tell from the theme of this post I have been dealing with the unthinkable. I hope you are well alongside your loved ones ๐Ÿฅฐ what’s new in your life? ๐Ÿ™ƒ I am a very private person in super personal stuff, but the reason I am sharing this is to make awareness to all of you beautiful ladies out there โค

It all started in April. Since I got my period at 12 years old my period has never changed, has always been regular, and lasts 8 days. The period this past April lasted 11 days which I thought was odd but then I remembered in just a couple of days I was having my annual women’s exam so I waited to see the Dr.

Once on the appointment, Dr did a pap smear and said He does not see a concern for the extra period days but if becomes recurrent like in the next three periods then we can look into it. So I left a little more at ease.

5 days after I started bleeding! was like a medium flow and lasted for 4 days I called my Dr and even though they are booked (you have to make an appointment a month before) they brought me right away and did an Ultrasound.

The Ultrasound was good all clear the Dr explained no cysts or polyps and in regards to the bleeding nothing to worry about but to continue to watch it. I left and waited for the pap smear results.

I was at work and got a call from my Dr around 9 am that they needed to do a facetime call  around 11 am (It, ‘s not a facetime has a name but the concept is the same forgot the term for it)

I never had this type of call with my Dr, therefore I was a bit concerned. Finally, the call came so I went to an empty room in the office and was the Doctors nurse she said the pap smear was abnormal and that they needed to do a Biopsy!

At that moment my world came crumbling down, and tears started filling up my eyes. I asked why. She said was to rule out cancer. She noticed my distress and said do not think horrible things just calm down all will be ok and proceeded to schedule my appointment for 1 month after.

The procedure that they were going to do is called Colposcopy, the wait time of one month felt like an eternity, I was in a state of stagnation, I felt like I was suspended in time. I was very scared.

I got home and as soon I saw my husband I burst into tears, he got scared and asked me what is it.  when I told him he hugged me and cried with me we both calmed down by saying all will be ok. I honestly could only think of my son, would be very hard to leave him and for him to lose his mother.

I stopped doing my makeup to go to work, posting on my socials, writing new posts for my blog, and selling my stash in my Store in Mercari. I just could not function, all I could think was that freaking biopsy.

I tried my hardest to think positive and fought those pesky negative thoughts, would cry when alone and was fearful of bleeding again all of a sudden!  now even more! and on top of that, I lost count of my cycle!

One day just two weeks before the procedure I started bleeding, was at the end of my work day. I jumped in my car and started to cry thinking about what is happening to me! Got home and my husband hugged me and with great strength on his part calmed me down. By the second day, I confirmed this bleeding was my period and felt relieved but my nerves and my mind were stressing me out.

The day the colposcopy came in, I asked for the day off at work. When I got there they put me in a room that I have not seen before, it was extremely cold and a weird big looking machine was there alongside a tray with tools.

The Dr explained they will put a camera inside, and take samples of the entrance of the cervix, the wall of the uterus and the upper side of the cervix to be tested he told me to lay down and not to worry it won’t hurt. He also said he did not think is cancer due to me doing every year a pap smear and were all normal which helped the odds.

I laid down and when my legs were up in position, my legs started to shake uncontrollably due to the cold, I could not control them, he inserted a device to maintain open the vagina, let me tell you that hurt then told me to be perfectly still and turned off the lights, the only light on was the machine so he could see inside.

He started to take samples and was giving instructions to the nurse. He finished the procedure at all times he was explaining what he was doing and he made it as peaceful as possible for me. Then he told me I will be bleeding for a day or two and in one week he will call to give me the results of the biopsy.

This waiting period of one week was extremely stressful, then on the 7th day when on my way home that dreaded call from my Dr office came in, it was my Dr, he sounded serious so I knew something was up, he said it’s not cancer is Pre cancer, I had severe dysplasia which is pre-cancerous cells and from the levels of risk from 1 to 3, I was from 2 to 3 very high risk.

He said we needed to do a procedure called Leep where he will burn all the pre-cancerous cells and remove a disk size piece from my uterus to do a biopsy to test for cervical cancer.

After hearing this my heart sunk, felt so helpless. He schedule me to see him in three weeks since they are booked I could sense from him that it was urgent to have it done. And said will not be able to perform it while on my period.

My family’s opinions were all over, my mother who is a Doctor from my Country said you need to remove the Uterus right away! She reminded me of my grandmother who died of Ovarian cancer, she made me seriously think about removing my Uterus and asked the Dr if we could do that, but he said no that that would be too aggressive he said we are not there.

So while I waited I decided to get a second opinion with a gynecologist Oncologist just to hear his opinion on this ordeal but he is also booked and left me an appointment to see him in a Month around two weeks after the Leep procedure. I also decided to see a General Practitioner or family Dr that I have not seen one in years! Best to be sure how I was in general.

The day I was expecting my period was like two weeks before the procedure and was a no show, I just spotted for two days and had some cramping but no period. I thought maybe will not be here this month so I no worried too much about it.

On the week just before my procedure, my period came and came heavy, the 4th day of my period I woke up with a lot of pain that lasted until the next day I woke up again which was not fun but my period was supposed to end just the day prior the procedure, usually on the 8th day, I don’t have any flow left.

The 8th day came and I was spotting light but got concerned, so I called the Dr and the nurse said they prefer to schedule me a week after since I am still bleeding and usually is better to do it a week after the period, I told her what if stops? She said what if it doesn’t? I told her to not change the appointment because I know is urgent they do this and that I was confident my period will stop, she said okay we will keep it but if Dr sees any bleeding he will not do the procedure and I agreed. I was crossing my fingers my body will cooperate with me.

That night I prayed that my period stops, went to bed, and fell asleep.  This stressful period I had been dreaming about my grandfather a lot he was to me my father since he raised me he was the love of my life he passed on 2019. This night he appeared in my dream, I was at this big fair and for some reason, I decided I wanted to leave…

While on my way out I saw this little boy in his stroller and stopped to look at him and the boy vomited on me. I then decided to go back to the fair and look for a bathroom to clean myself the little boy had vomited from my neck down to my feet.

On the way I found a person that I knew was a friend even if I never seen this person before in my life, the person accompanied me to the very open bathroom, with no walls, so I got in and started to look for soap and realized there was none!

In my frustration all of a sudden I saw my grandfather walking at a distance he stopped at a bench just on the side right in front of me, sat down, and looked at me, he looked young like in his thirties, he gave me a big smile, lifted his arm, and showed me a soap! He made me signs that he was leaving it on the bench, got up and started to walk, and vanished.

I told my friend to please go get it. When all of a sudden another person that was walking by saw the soap and took it! I immediately screamed sir! That soap is mine as you can see I am covered in vomit, the person apologized and gave me the soap. I looked at the soap it was white  I smiled and woke up.

To my delight I had no bleeding it was gone! I felt so happy got to my appointment, and was brought again to this particular room with the weird machine, the Dr came in and explained the procedure.  I asked if he sees any bleeding, and he said not at all. I smiled and thought of my grandfather he did this miracle to stop the bleeding. ๐Ÿ˜Š

He said they will inject (yes inject!) anesthesia that will feel like a bee sting to numb my cervix, then I will hear a vacuum. sound from the machine, burn the affected area and take a biopsy sample which he would do from inside of the uterus removing a disk-size piece.

The nurse proceeded to put a pad around my leg for the electricity that the machine will release to burn the affected area. To be honest, I did not feel the shot much, what hurt was the device they use to open the vagina, then to be still while he does the procedure per Dr orders which even if does not hurt feels very uncomfortable.

He finished and said will call me with the results in one week. This time I requested a week off from work to rest at home. The dr said will take 6 weeks for my Uterus to heal.

This time while I was waiting for the results I was at peace I was having, for the most part, good thoughts, and resting at home did help. When the call came I was ready for it. The Dr said that the area he removed confirmed that I had severe dysplasia and that he was almost 100 percent sure he removed all the bad pre-cancerous cells and that the biopsy came negative it’s not cancer. He also said the abnormal bleeding is hormonal due to my age.

I was relieved to hear that, I asked what was the next step he said to do a pap smear in November in 4 months to check that all is ok. This was great news I felt I could breathe again.

I felt so grateful to God and the Universe for catching this on time. Two days later I decided to put makeup on and this simple mundane thing brought tears to my eyes as crazy as it sounds.

This experience made me realize my mortality I never experienced anything as scary as this. Made me realize dreams that I have put on hold for so long that I needed to make them happen, I need to live life to the fullest.

This is my story, as of now I am waiting to see a second opinion but I feel less inclined to remove my Uterus, the dr said this to me, you want to kill a roach by tumbling the house down, that is not the way to go. Will see what the second opinion has to say.

Love the reason I shared this is to make awareness to beg you to please every year do your pap smear without delay it could be the difference between life and death.

I honestly did not give importance to this test before in my life. I never stopped to think about what would happen if the test shows abnormal, in my case every year I do this test I do it because of routine not because I thought was important.

And some of you reading this will agree on that or worst some have not had a pap smear in years. I have a few female coworkers that have not done it in years and they were not even concerned about the importance to do it.

A quick update:

I got to see another Dr for a second opinion and he agreed with the first doctor: my uterus does not need to get removed. He did drawings explaining in detail that Dr per the Leep results indeed removed all the pre-cancerous cells and agreed also with my doctor that the abnormal bleeding is most likely due to hormones and to keep an eye on it for a few months.

What I got from this experience is that life is fragile. We can be well one day and bad the next. Is so important to do every year your women’s wellness exam! This includes a pap smear and a vaginal ultrasound make sure your Dr does that! Also is important a mammogram every year! You don’t have to wait until your late thirties if something does not feel right, demand to get it done.

Also, super important when going thru a very scary situation to always get a second opinion! Important as well to see every year your family doctor.

Steps I have taken towards a healthy Uterus:

  • I did a Genetic test: this is to check if I have the gen to get ovarian cancer or breast cancer. Doctors do this test if there is family history with this, in my case my Grandmother died of Ovarian Cancer and my mother was positive for the gen. I am still waiting on my results.
  • Getting the Shot for HPV: I already had first dose. Its 3 total in a period of 6 months. Did you know now women can get the shot up to 45 years old? Idid not! Used to be up to your twenties so I always thought I could no longer get it..well not many know! But is a fact so of you are 45 or less and you had no clue about this…go get it! Can save your life! Insurance does not cover this vaccine in older women dont let this stop you! Health has no price.
  • Going to your screenings after having pre-cancet do not miss them

I learned some people do not check themselves every year because of fear and I relate to that, I used to have those thoughts too but is better to get checked right away since if there is something horrible like cancer looming it can be stopped on time like in my case by getting myself checked, Cervical cancer as well ovarian cancer are known like silent killers they do not come with any symptoms to alert you so please do not let fear hold you or the thought of I feel well I have no symptoms so no need to see a Dr! from living your life to the fullest.

Please loves if you haven’t scheduled your pap smear do not wait another day, please get checked, also do not take this world for granted our time in it could be gone before we know it, go make your dreams happen! Go live! 

Thank you for reading. I hope I help you prevent this, I uploaded two vids about this on my tiktok ๐Ÿ˜Š

Follow me on my socials ๐Ÿ˜Š I am on Instagram, Twitter and now also on Tiktok you can find me in all as @beauteeindistress

2 thoughts on “Dealing with the unthinkable…”

    1. Yes it is..The Dr removed all the pre-cancerous cells thank God, is so important to do the yearly pap smear, just last year my pap was normal but this year showed I was on a brink of getting cancer! Thank you for your words..take care of that beautiful you ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’‹

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